I Juggle Hyperfixations Like It’s A Sport

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
peachthatdrinkslemonade
prokopetz

I’ve seen a lot of videos going around of urban-dwelling critters coming to humans for help with various problems, ranging from boxes stuck on their heads to young trapped down a storm drain, and it’s gotten me to thinking:

On the one hand, it’s kind of fascinating that they know to do that.

On the other hand, setting any questions of how this sort of behaviour must have arisen aside for the nonce, does it ever strike you how weird it is that we’ve got a whole collection of prey species whose basic problem-solving script ends with the step “if all else fails, go bother one of the local apex predators and maybe they’ll fix the problem for no reason”?

roachpatrol

well, come to think of it, we’re at the top of the food chain but we almost exclusively hunt and kill prey out in the country. 

raccoons and possums and foxes and crows all succeed in an urban environment because they’re opportunistic and observant. and almost none of them would have observed us pounce on one of their species and then start eating it, you know? a lot of them would have observed that we scream and chase them out of wherever we don’t want them to be, but other animals are territorial too. but there’s a number of situations where humans feed whoever’s bold enough to take them up on the offer, and we do tend to pull garbage off of other animals as soon as they slow down enough for us to catch. ‘a human got me but nothing bad happened’ is a much more frequent thing than ‘a human got me and tried to eat me’.  

anyway like, we’re masters of our environment, we make weird shit happen all the time, we have lots of great food and sometimes we share, and we almost never eat someone. it makes sense for urban animals, over the last century or so, to just keep an eye out for opportunities to use us, and to pass the habit on to their kids. 

tsfennec

It really is a weird, funny thing. Like yeah, technically they’re predators, and they get pretty screamy, especially if you try to take any of their stuff… but given the chance it seems like they’d rather help us out and sometimes they’ll just randomly give you food, so???

I mean, I guess in fairytales and myths we’ve got our fair share of stories about dangerous people/creatures who might well kill you or otherwise ruin your life, but to whom people nonetheless turn for help in desperate circumstances. So it’s not like the perspective is exactly a foreign thing to our own mindset, really… It’s just that, y’know, we can’t actually go make a deal with the faeries when there’s something we can’t figure out.

(Which brings me to an interesting thought about the ubiquitous rule about never eating the faery food lest you find yourself forever unsatisfied with anything in the human world - and the potential parallels to the dangers of feeding wildlife human food lest they become addicted and too tame and dependent to be safe for either themselves or us. Hmm.)

sapphicaquarius

Okay, but that last bit with the Fae…makes almost perfect sense.

Of the stories I’ve read, the food of the Fae, its origins and effects, are often strange and/or obscure.- Just like our food to most animals.

The Fae are strange beings that seem to know weird things that give them power or an edge over us.- Just like us to animals.

The Fae work and live by strange rules also often nonsensical or obscure to us.- Just like us to animals.

The Fae can easily obtain vast amounts of things we consider rare/precious/desireable, and have no problem with dishing it out wantonly for no other reason than amusement.- Just like us to animals.

The Fae sometimes are amused by having us around, but only on their terms and IF it amuses/intrigues them.- Just like us to animals.

GUYS, I SENSE A PATTERN….

roachpatrol

-they have arcane social conventions and the punishment for not paying the correct respects right is banishment, if you’re lucky, and death if you’re not.

-they have wild and unexpected parties where you’d least expect to find them, but if you’re bold enough to entertain them they’ll feed you and caress you and play with you all night.

-time runs strangely in their realm. their homes are summerlands: warm and bright, no matter the season. there is always fruit on their tables. but not everyone who comes in from the cold is let back out again.  

-their games are cruel and complex and unfair, but if you can beat them by their own rules you will access riches beyond imagining.

-sometimes they just fucking fuck with you, the fuckheads.

-they will absolutely steal your children away. when your children return— if they ever do— they will come back strange. they will have magic earrings or necklaces or bracelets. they will know things they shouldn’t. they won’t know things that they should. your strange children might survive, might even prosper, might take wives and husbands and have children of their own. but they will always be marked by their time away from your world.

-the price for pissing them off is always death. sometimes just you. sometimes your whole community. 

-if you are very good, and very smart, and very brave, they will grant your wish.

mentalisttraceur-long

This actually provides a good explanation for why you have such inconsistency about whether their wish granting is benign or perversely twisted. They can’t fully understand you or your attempts to communicate either. They grant wishes the way you would grant a squirrel’s wishes: with lots of guesswork, assumptions, and projection.

And like that trope where they grant a wish perversely and then get mad at you or punish you for being ungrateful? Looks a lot less like utterly asinine unreceptivity to criticism and a lot more like how you might react if you try to help a wild animal and it bites or claws you.

alexanderrm

@zamboni-whisperer

lordnochybaty

They often ask you what your name is and even then THEY GIVE YOU ONE.

somerandomdudelmao

HOLY SHIT

nodesiretogrowup
moss-balll

#bro was in it for 3 minutes and was somehow the gayest character in the show #in the very gay show

stromuprisahat

they really brought david tenant’s son in and said hey do you want to play a gay little boy in good omens 2. just a little camp mf. nepotism done right.

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black-rosegold:

#also pete davidson ie. david’s father in law was job??? #had me cracking up

exeunt-pursued-by-a-bear:

#they brought this kid in and said hey flirt with your dad's co-star #and he said ok bet

cptnvers:

#that finger brush to aziraphale's chest. quite literally he came he served cunt and committed to the bit  #WAIT it's even funnier bc apparently david didn't know he auditioned for good omens in this role. #he auditioned and went on the set and said. im about to be hilarious

song-spero:

#making hearteyes at michael sheen is apparently a dominant genetic trait

vyeoh:

#all nepo baby actors should be required to hit on their parent's work bf in front of their parent #to prove themselves

silvain-shadows

Ok, I need to respond to that “dominant genetic trait” tag specifically, because the reality is significantly funnier- that’s Ty Tennant, Georgia (Moffett) Tennant’s son from before she married David Tennant. David adopted him, IIRC, and he’s raised him from a very young age, so he IS David Tennant’s son, but it’s not genetic, and if you know the hilarious irony of David and Georgia’s relationship (Peter Davidson played David Tennant’s favorite Doctor, David met Georgia while he was playing the Doctor and she was playing the Doctor’s daughter, every Doctor who fan at the time was vaguely amused by this because the Doctor married the Doctor’s daughter making the Doctor become the Doctor’s father-in-law), it becomes even funnier that Ty gets to flirt with his father’s coworker. Just a recursive mess of family business hilarity. Ty deserves this opportunity.

amethysthollis

@silvain-shadows why would you leave this in the tags??

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i-am-a-fan
tuiccim

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